SLAP! Of The Week

Yes, it’s that time again sports fans and domestic beavers. It’s time for this week’s segment of SLAP! Of The Week; that little pause in the progression of humans and civilization where we here at First Team Cut like to put a little powder on our palms and administer a sonic pimp slap to someone actin’ stupid in a restaurant here on our rock called Earth.

This week’s cheek burner goes to a party of six people who came in the restaurant all together. They ordered their drinks all together. They drank their drinks, discussed what they would like to eat, and placed their order…that’s right, all together. After a pause for stations to identify themselves and the kitchen to prepare the meals this party had requested, the food runner* brought out the trays of steaming deliciousness and asked, “Ok guys, one steak and shrimp combo, mashed potatoes, no rice?” Nobody at the table said anything. The food runner waited a beat, shrugged and continued, “Alrighty then, chicken tenders, fries and a side of ranch?” Crickets. The six lawn ornaments at the table look at each other like someone has just asked them what the population of Springfield, Oregon was fifty years ago.  The food runner looks at the ticket on the tray, verifies that yes, this is indeed the correct table. SOMEONE at this table ordered freakin’ chicken fingers. The food runner walked around the table, chicken tender platter on full display…”Going once…Going twice.” Finally, perhaps fearing that he HAD actually order chicken fingers but was too stupid to remember his own order, one patron timidly raised his hand and accepted the platter. One by one the memories of the other assorted jackwagons remembered their orders, and eventually all the entrees were retrieved and the evening continued.

OK…unless this is a Men In Black episode and you had been “Flashy-thingy-ed” by Will Smith, is there any particular reason you can’t remember what YOU asked to be served? Or are you having THAT great of a conversation that NO ONE at the table can remember their order? The food runner dang near had to tell the patron what they ordered, and the he didn’t even take the order! WAKE UP people! Yeah, we can serve you, we can take your petty demands as seriously as edicts from the Pope, but we CAN’T read your mind. Let this SLAP! Of the Week be a lesson to ya. And yes…You are welcome.

*A food runner is a kitchen employee who is designated to bring food out to patrons when it is ready. The food runner does not take meal orders from quests and is not responsible to know what the heck you ordered Jack. So help him out alright?