Dear Dr. Pinniun,
Hi there, I wanted to start my letter by saying that I am a big fan of your work and how you just keep it real. Okay, here's my story. I work as a waitress at this restaurant right, and there was this lady that came in with two other ladies and they all had kids. Well, one lady was just letting the biggest of her two kids run all over the restaurant and I almost tripped over him while I was trying to bring stuff to the table. When I finally got to the table to take their drink order, the lady was letting her baby take all the Splenda, Nutrasweet, and sugar packets out of the holder, tear them all up and throw them on the floor. The lady just kept talking with her friend at the table like nothing was happening. When they got their food, the baby wasn’t even eating the food , it was just throwing it on the ground, pouring out his drink on the floor, and tearing up the paper napkins. Then the lady looks at me and says, “Oh I’m sorry, they do this everywhere we go”. I bout lost my mind. Tell me what is the deal with people like this!
Sincerely,
Ready To Snap
Dear Ready to Snap,
Right from the start, please allow me to commend you on what an amazing amount of self restraint you managed to display while under the duress of seeing a parent fail so miserably in their duties to restrain their offspring. I am utterly astounded at the lack of common courtesy and overall negligence of the parent in question. Now, allow me to keep it real, as they say. Slap the Splenda powder off that baby! I’m telling you right now, Dr. Enmiah don’t play that! I would test that little poop factory’s behind right then and there if my kid was making that kinda mess right in front of my face!
Allow me to regain my composure. Simply put, the parent is acting as enabler. My first question to you is what was the ethnicity of the mother in your story? My research (and personal observation) has led me to notice that such parenting is especially indigenous to Caucasian mothers in the middle to upper classes. The use of such disciplinary measures such as “Time Out” and “Don’t Make Mommy Count To Three” as well as the oh-so-fearsome five whole minutes in the dreaded “Thinking Chair” are especially futile in curtailing the rambunctious nature of two-to-eleven year old children, males especially. These techniques merely allow the little hellion to catch his breath from running through a restaurant, leaving the mother frazzled and unwilling to battle the child’s strong willed nature at the next skirmish. So what would I recommend? Why not break out those Velcro leashes for Junior and just tie him to the chair where you’re sitting? Or maybe a dose of something a little stronger. I have noticed African-American mothers don't play this wait-for-my-kid-to-listen routine. Just go to a Wal-Mart and see how long little Terrell pitches that fit. Go to my website DrEnmiah.com/ParentingToolStore and order The Black Momma Backhand. Maximum torque. Minimal drag. Built for close quarters. Administered when that little tax write-off starts acting out, you will find that little squirt will straighten up with amazing speed. My own mother used a similar item; street name was Switch (actually it was a car antennae that she found) and it worked wonders. She kept one on the dashboard of our family van so she could administer swift border-town justice to any child of hers that thought for even a second that they could act out, all while weaving in and out of traffic to get to the bank before it closed. She didn’t break a sweat, she didn’t plead with us to behave. She just whooped dat….well, you see the point.
In short, children are masters at stretching the boundaries to the breaking point. So parents, stretch yo’ back and beat that …..butt. Doctor’s orders.
Regards,
Dr. Pinniun
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